You know when pain wakes you up, just to sock you in the mouth, that it’s time for that morning cup of kiss-my-ice-pack.
–from the Angry Doctor’s Guide to Sewing, a collection of various sayings from former motorcycle gangsters who have become medical doctors.
We looked outside the window. It was hazy amidst a white sky, bound to rain. But the weather wasn’t what drew our attention to the sky.
It was the end of the world. Our end was at hand and we couldn’t be more excited about it. Death by chocolate and icecream was upon us.
–from Chocolate Culinary Apocalypse, audiobook by Tony Fuzzheldt, available on compact disc and mp3, published by Doomerboomer Books, May, 2005.
The latest addition to our family of products doesn’t need an introduction. They can speak for themselves. But we’re not going to allow them to speak. It would be bittersweet. To say the least.
–from an ad in Culinary Anger Magazine, June 1987, for Luxerious cookies, now in bittersweet chocolate chip.
You have a message from a Mr. Momweonoutwayhome. Would you like to take this call?
–from a random collect call made back in 2005. Part of a list recorded in the Museum of Video and Audio, Tampa Bay, WI.
It stormed last night. Very peculiar. It rained frozen custard. It’s made a mess of my driveway, I keep hearing bad news about how it effected traffic on the interstate. Yet my neighbor’s kids keep Hollaring about it.
“I ate so much ice cream it hurts,” they say.
It isn’t icecream. It’s frozen custard.
—from Grumpy Chef Pablo, famous dessert culinary artist. Television interview, CNN, May 14, 1983.
What is this mystery food? I can’t afford to lose. I need better lunch than what is served. Starchy starch nobody deserves.
I gotta eat. I gotta compete, do good in school. I’m no fool. I wanna make A’s and don’t need haze, give me carrots, not the glaze.
What’s better for lunch? Broccoli bunch and Steamed squash is what I want.
-from R.G. Steamy Steam-Steam’s “Steamed Vegetables (go healthy)” ca 1991. part of an ad campaign to petition healthier school lunches in the United States.
Though unsuccessful in the U.S., the ad campaign reached to other parts of the world, who now have healthier lunches.
Complementry col-oring, fresh and piping hot, what better side to go with steak, than vegetables on my plate.
-from Vegetable Steam Fever Forever! the musical about the love for steamed vegetables, soundtrack on cassette tape, 1984, Before Our Time Records, inc.