Scam, interlude

..Ring ring..

A clear, young female voice picks up.

“Oh hi there,” she says, “This is Rachel with Resort Rewards. Are you still on the phone?”

The number was from a yellow card saying a delivery is expected but they needed my number to send it. The card said it was first class mail, even had a real stamp and a tracking number. It looked pretty realistic, but I wasn’t expecting a package.

“I’m calling in response to you sending me a card,” I said.

“Of course,” says Rachel, “Hold on while I transfer you.”

A moment later a male voice with a foreign accent picks up.

“Hello, sir, how are you?” He said, “I can schedule a delivery for you, but first I need your social security number.”

— from “This Scam is Important” by Richard “Watermelon” Gnayarp. Ca May, 1990, Gnitiam Publishers Inc.

On Names, interlude

..I’m never naming my son Absalom. But if I ever do, I’m cutting his hair every month.

–quote from Dr. Arnold “Blue-Button” Fuzzywire-Macaroni, who wrote a book on child names.

Mother’s Day Cake, interlude

..There was at least one other candidate, and it was a difficult decision to make, but instead we chose…the Pineapple Layer Cake for our dessert.

–from the reality show “No Rest-aurant in a Dessert Oasis, Mother’s Day Edition” the show that follows customers in restaurants and giving them various choices for dessert.

Ca. May, 2003

Early Mother’s Day

..you may have seen something like this..

..But that isn’t what’s being served for church after service tomorrow, provided I can get up early enough.

..I’m having to get up early to prepare frosting that otherwise would’ve evaporated by afternoon, so it has to be made the day of..

—from “6 A.M. is Too Early to Move,” a screenplay about people who choose only to eat tropical fruit. Ca May, 1998.