“You’re listening to “Sounds to Groom,” the radio program for all you house cats living at home. Here’s a little something to take your mind off of today’s travesties. This one is called, “Mosie’s Basket.”
We interrupt this program to take you live where the mayor of Anywhere, USA has an important announcement. Listen in on his speech.
“…Hello, this announcement is to my mother… Please hold any press questions until after I have said what I need to say, thank you.
Mother, I am letting you know that I’ve sent you a card via e-mail. Be sure to check your inbox.
This is all I have to say at this moment. Thank you all for coming out here to listen to what I have to say. I will now take any questions from that you may have…”
You have been listening in on the mayor of Anywhere, USA, who has just now made a speech to tell his mother to check her email. We’re not sure about the details, such as what what kind of card it is, or why he feels compelled to make a public speech about it, but we will keep you informed with the latest update on this breaking story tonight at 11.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.
–from a press conference featuring the 116th Mayor of Anywhere, USA, May 16th, 1980.
It’s the feeling you get when you traverse through a field of golden wheat ready for harvest.
It’s the sound you make when given the opportunity to bathe in hot fudge frosting.
It’s the taste on your tongue after biting into a fresh-from-the-oven oatmeal cookie.
It’s the scent of that same cookie you bit into moments before, five minutes before it was removed from the oven.
It’s the look on your rival classmate’s face at lunch, when he realizes his sad, stale, ordinary oatmeal cookies don’t measure up to what’s in what your lunchbox—————–Luxury.
—-from an ad in Microculinary, Bourbon & Shoeleather Magazine, Fall Issue, Sept 1988
“How tender is it?”
“It’s chicken tender!”