Pumpkin Pie got angry
and turned into a monstrosity
twice its normal size
and put on armor
made from brown sugar,
butter and walnuts.
What affects my health?
The Food City in Brainerd closed down because some bigwig in Illinois wanted too much for rent.
There is no promise another grocery will replace it, and other stores surrounding it are jeopardized by the sudden loss of business.
The Food City on Ringgold road is smaller than the Brainerd store and the head manager is neither as nice nor willing to order items not in stock like the people in Brainerd.
Plus, they recently stopped carrying Wondra Flour. When asked, the manager even doubted they ever carried it, when I bought it last week.
I’ve been relying on specific name brands for my baking and then suddenly the stores closest to me shut down or stop carrying what I need to be productive, while modern day Robber Barons far away get away with a scandal that affects the common people like me.
–quote from a local customer at a local grocery store, targeted to participate in a survey of 200 people concerning what affects their health within the last month. Recorded Wednesday June 24, 1989.
We take a coffee cake recipe from 1974 and, using today’s cooking methods, make it for people in 2018.
The majority of the people who eat the coffee cake won’t know it’s from 1974. I’m betting those who were around back then won’t know either.
It’s a beautiful plan, friend. Time won’t know it’s getting stolen, a wonderful paradox.
–from a secret phone conversation between known time thieves, looking to steal paradoxical fragments from the year 1974.
Pie will fool you. About halfway through baking, it’ll tell you all these shenanigans about how we’re ready. Hey, we’re boiling over, or we’re gonna over-brown, better check the oven—-
..Look, it’s hot in there, the pie doesn’t like it, and knows since you made it you’ll give it some slack. The best love for pie is leave it in the oven the whole time it’s supposed to be in the oven..
When it’s really done, the pie will have a different tune then what it had halfway. It’ll be more honest..
–from a seminar entitled “How to be a better Pie Parent: Becoming a Better Baker with Tough Love,” by Renowned Baker Jeff “Porker” Charles-McTabby. Recorded live at a professional culinary expo in Charleston, SC, August 1985.
Mr. Charles-McTabby has since written a book on the subject.
..The only thing I’m wishing would slip and fall is this custard into the prepared crust..
From Anton “Fluffy” Hotdog-McGee, April 20, 1880, reportedly in a heated political debate. Mayoral rival candidates had accused him of wishing ill will upon them by serving coconut custard pie, done on purpose because one of them, Mr. Henry H. Burger-Graham, of all things, was allergic to coconut.