Luxury, interlude

..It’s when you wish to dance in the rain without an umbrella, just to get the scent of rain in your hair.

..It’s the knowledge that all other biscuits in the world, no matter how much fancier, still pale in comparison to the one that is in front of you with a glass of milk. Or tea. Or coffee.

..One bite is all it takes to know these trinkets can talk, can say just one word, and with that one word they can bring malevolent armies to their knees…not with might, not with arms, but the memory they can give of how, when, and why they came into existence: luxury.

–from an ad in Culinary Political Media & Shoe Polish Weekly, ca. June 1986, New Years Morning Pretzel Publishers Inc.

Layered Turtle, interlude

… I’m a turtle layer. Watch out, turtle. I’m gonna layer you out!

–from “The Turtle Slayer with a Speech Impediment, and Other Stories,” by Walter deGewm-Cook. August Snowstorm Publishers, ca. June 1988.

Toffee, interlude

When butter, brown sugar, and flour combine to make a crust, and walnuts, coconut, baking powder and an egg get into a rumble and everything gets cooked at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 12 minutes, nothing short of a miracle happens.

–from “Fun with Instigating Culinary Ingredients to Dance” by Dessert Chef Flad Washelt-Fritz, ca. 1968.

Caramel Beginnings, Interlude

Today the emissaries of Heavy Cream and Spice gathered in response to an agreement that will make a peaceful resolution.

“We have agreed to use our unique talents to give the world a gift which will help put our nations at the frontier of history.

–from 15th century records of early development of caramel. Ca Candy Parliament Library Intl.

Pursuit of Pumpkin pie, interlude

..The life of pumpkin pie, provided it’s good pumpkin pie, is short-lived. ..Sometimes, it doesn’t last any longer than it took to make it.

–from world renown old time chef Mortimer “Mustache” Jacksonville, from his cookbook, “Seasonal Favorites from 1967: For All Who Love Pumpkin & Nothing Else.

Ca. 1988, Seashore & Starfish Assistance Publishers, Inc.

Topping for German Chocolate Cheesecake, interlude

This moment brought you by the Ad Council for Encouragement of German Chocolate Cheesecake Production Advocacy Group, enticing the American public to make and share German chocolate cheesecake on a more frequent basis since 1909.

–from the digital archives of filmmaker Randolf Blitz-Toaster-Howard, Inc., ca 2005.

From the oven, interlude

Hot from the oven

Don’t’ you touch

wait ten minutes

A knife runs around the rim

then wait an hour more

O cream cheese, where’d you go? German chocolate cheesecake, take it slow.

Overnight success

gives quite a chill

Cool German chocolate topping and add a thrill.

O cream cheese, where’d you go? German chocolate cheesecake, take it slow.

–from a radio advertisement advocating that listeners should make more German chocolate cheesecake. Ca 1935, Saint Gertrude Spaghetti Media Company

German Chocolate Cheesecake, interlude

Walnuts, coconut, brown sugar, heavy cream and butter; by themselves they are potentially deadly. But when combined in a pan over medium heat, they make any ordinary chocolate cheesecake into something amazing!

Let’s go to the phone lines, yes hello, you’re on the air.

“My mouth waters at the thought of traditional German chocolate cake; but my mind was blown when I was served a cheesecake of the same name.”

–from a 1985 public service announcement, courtesy of Anywhere USA, encouraging people to eat more German chocolate cheesecake.

Jack ‘o lanterns, interlude

Good evening. Our car broke down a few yards back. May we come in to use your phone?

–from “Count the Pumpkin Skins,” the 1980s horror film about a vampire who gets turned into a living jackolantern, who then preys on unsuspecting teenagers.

Creeper Corner Films. Air date: October 1981

Luxury, interlude 

It’s the feeling you get when you traverse through a field of golden wheat ready for harvest.

 It’s the sound you make when given the opportunity to bathe in hot fudge frosting. 

It’s the taste on your tongue after biting into a fresh-from-the-oven oatmeal cookie. 

It’s the scent of that same cookie you bit into moments before, five minutes before it was removed from the oven. 

It’s the look on your rival classmate’s face at lunch, when he realizes his sad, stale, ordinary oatmeal cookies don’t measure up to what’s in what your lunchbox—————–Luxury.

—-from an ad in Microculinary, Bourbon & Shoeleather Magazine, Fall Issue, Sept 1988