We looked outside the window. It was hazy amidst a white sky, bound to rain. But the weather wasn’t what drew our attention to the sky.
It was the end of the world. Our end was at hand and we couldn’t be more excited about it. Death by chocolate and icecream was upon us.
–from Chocolate Culinary Apocalypse, audiobook by Tony Fuzzheldt, available on compact disc and mp3, published by Doomerboomer Books, May, 2005.
The latest addition to our family of products doesn’t need an introduction. They can speak for themselves. But we’re not going to allow them to speak. It would be bittersweet. To say the least.
–from an ad in Culinary Anger Magazine, June 1987, for Luxerious cookies, now in bittersweet chocolate chip.
In plastic cavities we place hot melted chocolate candy coating. Then we freeze it to harden. Then we place the caramel and cover that with more chocolate. Then we freeze that. You gotta see the finished product. It’s beautiful and nobody will question what we did with the caramel.
– from a secret tape recording between known caramel thieves, estimated date October 6, 1986
Hi there. We’d like to sing you a song. Ready boys? One. Two. Three. JINGLE BE—
— From “Singing Candies, the Christmas edition” available on compact disc, from 2005.