..Culinary fighters from all over the world, here for the prize above all others. A single recipe that could change the world, it’s fate in the hands of a single chef.
..Carbohydrates, when heated turn to gold, it’s a fight just for the bold. Every body get ready, it’s time to win the perfect bread. Before it’s over, I’ll be the champ when you’re defeated.
All ingredients assembled, utensils clean and calibrated…
“T-t-time to get kneaded.”
..For the pursuit of the swirl, for the pursuit of the swirl…
Competition is the answer when talk is cheap and there’s too many chefs—in the kitchen.
For the pursuit of the swirl…pursuit of the swirl.
–from Super Awesome Bread: Battle for a Better Slice! the Musical. Written and directed by Arugula Jersey-Taft, 1989, New York, NY.
Lyrics from the introduction song, “Pursuit of the Swirl,” lyrics written by J. B. Dandelion-Bradford.
The theatre production was a huge success, until producer Arugula Jackson-Taft heard about it and promptly sued for production rights, in 1990, claiming she came up with something similar a year earlier.
…Hey, man, just wanted you to know… that we’re, uh, you know, having a meeting tonight at the church at 6:30. It’s gonna, gonna, be a spiffy little time, bub-bub-bubu…you know?
–radio advertisement featuring famous 1950s singer/ songwriter Bob “the Bebop” Taft-Elliot, ca 1980, Onomatopoeia Morning Studios, Inc.
…Hot Cross carbohydrates are we, made with flour and living yeast. Go on and try us, we’re sweeter than most.
…Hot bread made from sweet roll dough. We’re just two of a kind, I’ve got the brains, he’s got the brawn…
— from Hot Cross Bread Forever!the Musical, songs written and composed by Arugula Jackson-Pierce, New York, NY, 1988.
…You did a great job. I mean, would you look at that. It’s beautiful. …But it isn’t the outward appearance I’m talking about. For the sake of this instance, beauty really is on the inside….
–Recorded speech from crime boss Bill “The Confection” Tetrazzini, in response to success in hiding colored coconut candy filling inside chocolate candy coating. Ca
…We take desiccated coconut, dry fondant, coconut flavoring, some water, and mix it all together.
…Now get this: we then divide the coconut-fondant mixture into three separate bowels and take food coloring and color each a different color.
…Then we hide the colored coconut filling inside chocolate candy coating in these here fish molds.
…It’s a solid plan. They’ll never know what color the coconut is without taking a bite.
–from a secret recording of known con artist chefs, who make their living by making their victims guess the color of coconut inside candy fish. Ca 2008.
..We should all make it a tradition to fix homemade, buttermilk pancakes on Presidents Day.
–from Independent candidate for for Colorado Senate Seat Fred Clementine-Russetonne.
..It’s when you wish to dance in the rain without an umbrella, just to get the scent of rain in your hair.
..It’s the knowledge that all other biscuits in the world, no matter how much fancier, still pale in comparison to the one that is in front of you with a glass of milk. Or tea. Or coffee.
..One bite is all it takes to know these trinkets can talk, can say just one word, and with that one word they can bring malevolent armies to their knees…not with might, not with arms, but the memory they can give of how, when, and why they came into existence: luxury.
–from an ad in Culinary Political Media & Shoe Polish Weekly, ca. June 1986, New Years Morning Pretzel Publishers Inc.
… I’m a turtle layer. Watch out, turtle. I’m gonna layer you out!
–from “The Turtle Slayer with a Speech Impediment, and Other Stories,” by Walter deGewm-Cook. August Snowstorm Publishers, ca. June 1988.
When butter, brown sugar, and flour combine to make a crust, and walnuts, coconut, baking powder and an egg get into a rumble and everything gets cooked at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 12 minutes, nothing short of a miracle happens.
–from “Fun with Instigating Culinary Ingredients to Dance” by Dessert Chef Flad Washelt-Fritz, ca. 1968.
Caaraamels, Caaaaraaameels. Carrrrameeels!
from a scene in the new horror film, “54 Caramels” debue film director and culinary chef Waltz Fry-Marshmallow, ca January, 1998.