Oblivion with icecream, interlude

We looked outside the window. It was hazy amidst a white sky, bound to rain. But the weather wasn’t what drew our attention to the sky. 

It was the end of the world. Our end was at hand and we couldn’t be more excited about it. Death by chocolate and icecream was upon us.

–from Chocolate Culinary Apocalypse, audiobook by Tony Fuzzheldt, available on compact disc and mp3, published by Doomerboomer Books, May, 2005.

Off the block, interlude 

The latest addition to our family of products doesn’t need an introduction. They can speak for themselves. But we’re not going to allow them to speak. It would be bittersweet. To say the least.

–from an ad in Culinary Anger Magazine, June 1987, for Luxerious cookies, now in bittersweet chocolate chip.

Monumental Luxury, interlude 

It’s what you think about before bed. What visits you in your most benevolent of dreams, but cannot be caught. In the darkest corner and in the sunniest of hilltops, you want to say it, on the tip of your tongue, elusive to all— except to those who are driven to pursue it with a cup of hot tea: Luxury.

-from an ad in “Culinary Golden Rectangle” magazine, May 1988, advertising “Luxurious Golden Oatmeal brand oatmeal cookies, now 25% bigger.”

Luxurious, interlude 

It will be the sound you hear when you take your first bite. The small voice inside will tell you everything with the finish. The key word inside each spectacular artisan cookie: Luxury. 

From an ad in “Culinary Robberbaron’s magazine” for “Golden Luxury Cookies” said to contain a real nugget of 24 carot gold in each cookie.

 The ad went out of print in 1978 after a lawsuit was settled out of court when a consumer suffered injury due to eating the gold nugget.

Doughmancer 2: The Second Rising, interlude 

Linda… you know how I get when you run from me. You did not let me finish. There is a second rising. It involves us both. So heat the ovens. I want you to witness this. 

– from the horror audio book “Doughmancer 2: the second rising” on cassette tape and compact disc, November 1996