Pumpkin Cheesecake, interlude

Pumpkin Pie got angry

and turned into a monstrosity

twice its normal size

and put on armor

made from brown sugar,

butter and walnuts.

Sunburst Coffee Cake, interlude

We take a coffee cake recipe from 1974 and, using today’s cooking methods, make it for people in 2018.

The majority of the people who eat the coffee cake won’t know it’s from 1974. I’m betting those who were around back then won’t know either.

It’s a beautiful plan, friend. Time won’t know it’s getting stolen, a wonderful paradox.

–from a secret phone conversation between known time thieves, looking to steal paradoxical fragments from the year 1974.

Hot pepper relish, interlude

I’ve been crying about this pepper relish for the last hour. How it burns! I also used too much white wine vinegar.

–from Charlie Potato-Butter, who found a way to use the hot peppers from his mother’s garden.

The recipe is here:

https://www.chilipeppermadness.com/chili-pepper-recipes/sauces/hot-pepper-relish/

Lemon Custard, interlude

..

Pie will fool you. About halfway through baking, it’ll tell you all these shenanigans about how we’re ready. Hey, we’re boiling over, or we’re gonna over-brown, better check the oven—-

..Look, it’s hot in there, the pie doesn’t like it, and knows since you made it you’ll give it some slack. The best love for pie is leave it in the oven the whole time it’s supposed to be in the oven..

When it’s really done, the pie will have a different tune then what it had halfway. It’ll be more honest..

–from a seminar entitled “How to be a better Pie Parent: Becoming a Better Baker with Tough Love,” by Renowned Baker Jeff “Porker” Charles-McTabby. Recorded live at a professional culinary expo in Charleston, SC, August 1985.

Mr. Charles-McTabby has since written a book on the subject.

Slipped Custard, interlude

..The only thing I’m wishing would slip and fall is this custard into the prepared crust..

From Anton “Fluffy” Hotdog-McGee, April 20, 1880, reportedly in a heated political debate. Mayoral rival candidates had accused him of wishing ill will upon them by serving coconut custard pie, done on purpose because one of them, Mr. Henry H. Burger-Graham, of all things, was allergic to coconut.