Pie will fool you. About halfway through baking, it’ll tell you all these shenanigans about how we’re ready. Hey, we’re boiling over, or we’re gonna over-brown, better check the oven—-
..Look, it’s hot in there, the pie doesn’t like it, and knows since you made it you’ll give it some slack. The best love for pie is leave it in the oven the whole time it’s supposed to be in the oven..
When it’s really done, the pie will have a different tune then what it had halfway. It’ll be more honest..
–from a seminar entitled “How to be a better Pie Parent: Becoming a Better Baker with Tough Love,” by Renowned Baker Jeff “Porker” Charles-McTabby. Recorded live at a professional culinary expo in Charleston, SC, August 1985.
Mr. Charles-McTabby has since written a book on the subject.
..The only thing I’m wishing would slip and fall is this custard into the prepared crust..
From Anton “Fluffy” Hotdog-McGee, April 20, 1880, reportedly in a heated political debate. Mayoral rival candidates had accused him of wishing ill will upon them by serving coconut custard pie, done on purpose because one of them, Mr. Henry H. Burger-Graham, of all things, was allergic to coconut.
..There was at least one other candidate, and it was a difficult decision to make, but instead we chose…the Pineapple Layer Cake for our dessert.
–from the reality show “No Rest-aurant in a Dessert Oasis, Mother’s Day Edition” the show that follows customers in restaurants and giving them various choices for dessert.
Ca. May, 2003
..you may have seen something like this..
..But that isn’t what’s being served for church after service tomorrow, provided I can get up early enough.
..I’m having to get up early to prepare frosting that otherwise would’ve evaporated by afternoon, so it has to be made the day of..
—from “6 A.M. is Too Early to Move,” a screenplay about people who choose only to eat tropical fruit. Ca May, 1998.
…Hey, man, just wanted you to know… that we’re, uh, you know, having a meeting tonight at the church at 6:30. It’s gonna, gonna, be a spiffy little time, bub-bub-bubu…you know?
–radio advertisement featuring famous 1950s singer/ songwriter Bob “the Bebop” Taft-Elliot, ca 1980, Onomatopoeia Morning Studios, Inc.