The latest addition to our family of products doesn’t need an introduction. They can speak for themselves. But we’re not going to allow them to speak. It would be bittersweet. To say the least.
–from an ad in Culinary Anger Magazine, June 1987, for Luxerious cookies, now in bittersweet chocolate chip.
I can’t eat that. it looks horrible,” said Mr. Ford.
“Let her compose herself,” said the cook, “You come back tomorrow. She’ll be ready by then.”
-from “101 Ways to Die via the Culinary Arts” on cassette tape from October 1991.
If the whole world could be rolled up inside a flat sponge cake like this one, I would make it so without remorse.
-Culinary Arts Practioner’s Recipe Books on cassette tape, ca. October, 1984
Exquisitely blended pork roast, carrots, in gravy over brown rice. Simple and elegant.
–ad for “Spoiled Baby” brand cat food, found in “Mini Lion Zoological Review” magazine, June 1999 issue.
It is said that if you eat an omelet on toast while it is steaming hot, over the weekend of Friday the 13th, wonderful things will happen. Things that may make up for the potential travesty of what happened on Friday. And if the bread used with the sandwich is panfried white bread, lightly toasted in a small amount of butter, in a cast iron skillet, then the memory of the sandwich will stay with you all day.
What isn’t said, but instead is kept a great secret, is the steam that rises from the omelet develops its own personality. When these personalities become real, they form a physical body in the form of a lingering scent.
Excerpt from Encyclopédie culinaire de l’étrange et inexpliquée [Culinary Encyclopedia of the Strange and Unexplained], translated from French to English, under definition “arôme obsédant” or “Haunting Aroma”