Wednesday warning, interlude

..Just a friendly reminder to be extra careful today and tomorrow. Full Moon Lunacy is real and affects us all…

–from a PSA on “Lunar Influences to the Human Psyche,” ca. Ad Council June, 1988

Advertisements

Pristine and Ugly, interlude

..To adhere to the standards and follow the rules, such as use heavily floured parchment paper, will guarantee good results.

However, there are still those who think plastic wrap is the answer to bread dough that insists on being a complete and total jerk, which may be correct..

Until the difficulty with he dough causes a small piece of plastic to tear, then the plastic piece disappears, making the baker anxious about whether or not the ugly loaf is safe to eat, having searched and not found the missing piece of plastic wrap…

–confessions from a tired bread baker, March 29, 1988.

Friday aftermath, interlude

…Friday the 13th is nothing to fear. Nothing bad happens on this particular day that could happen on any other day.

…However, Friday the 13th is undoubtedly a harbinger of terrible things to come. It is not the day itself one must be concerned about. Rather it’s the weekend of Friday the 13th, plus a couple days after, where lies the real danger.

–from Author G. T. Quilting-Wheeler, in an interview Friday, June 13, 2008.

The author’s synopsis was mocked and ignored until an unexplained, accidental death occurred two days later which claimed the life of an 18-year-old young man.

It’s scary, interlude

…When I’m busy researching how to write horror. Today it’s research on ghosts. I’m studying in my bathroom, on a rainy, quiet afternoon, and then my dog starts howling. Like he’s in pain. I’m getting hairs on the back of my neck standing up…

I get out of the bathroom and into the den just to find he’s trying to tell me our house guest is back to continue repairs….

–from an interview with renowned horror film director Teddy “Marsh Bob” Fobberman, on the topic of house guests his family would receive back when he was just starting out as a director. Recorded June 1998, Scared Coatwire Productions, inc.

White Cats, interlude

..When I was young, my grandfather never liked cats. He didn’t mind me having a dog though. But I was more fond of cats. I asked him one day why he felt the way he did.

“…Because dogs keep the mad scientists away,” he said.

..It took a few minutes to get him to explain what he said…

“..When I was young, I thought I could go into the state park at night. I didn’t fear the dark, didn’t know the danger that stalks…

“You’ll never see the white fur which seems to glow in the dark, or the eyes that reflect your flashlight,” he said, “You will hear neither the purring that comes down from his perch, nor smell the ammonia stench of his white lab coat flowing.. You won’t feel the prick of the blow dart or be aware of where you land…

“You won’t recall the taste of dead leaves upon hitting the ground, or see Dr.Winter, the large green eyes, watching and making his plans…

“So don’t find yourself in his laboratory. Be careful when you venture at night. Always be watching the trees. For you don’t know when Dr. Winter is watching. Be careful when you hear the breeze…

“He’s always looking for new test subjects, he watches, waits for the unwary…

“So get a dog, get a dog, grandson, and keep Dr. Winter at bay.”

–from “The White Cat of the Labyrinthine Woods” by Tyger G. Caterwauling, Summer Sunny Squashmare Publishers, Topeka, Kansas 1985.

Mind the Scary Stuff, interlude

…Attempts to write horror oft elude me. According to research Stephen King in his book, “On Writing” says to know horror you must read horror. For any genre it’s a relevant statement.

But what does one do when they have the same reaction to scary stories as with spicy food, yet still desire to write it? If not horror, at least suspense.

The advice collected is to make it mysterious. Make it believable. The monster isn’t revealed until the very last, if at all.

This is my problem: with each description of something “scary,” I make some heroic figure step behind, grab its attention and say,

“Excuse me, are you supposed to be scary?”

—from Sounds of Sleepers on a Rainy Night and Other Stories: 101 Case Studies of Aspiring Writers. Horror Edition. Ca. June 1998, books on Audio Cassette and CD. Neo-Pumpkin Mandrake Publishers Inc.