So my dog Butchy likes to burrow. He enjoys building a fort made from blankets. Some say there’s a behavior problem, but I think he’s camping out.
– from stand-up comic Walter Groundhog-Must on October 18, 1989 for his show, “It’s the Dogs,” live at George Tablecloth Square.
Don’t know about you, but I’m pulling up stakes and going home.
–from the tiny species of hobo which love bread so much they make their homes in fresh-baked loaves of bread.
There were times in my youth when boys and sometimes grown men, who were older, taller and bigger and stronger than me, would wag their tongues in such a way that I’d get offended.
Because I was just a young buck, and didn’t know better, I’d wait til the character was walking away and then come out of hiding and say something that I immediately regretted. I’d say it because I was angry, not because I thought it through.
Well more than half the time, the hooligans who said such to anger me would hear what I said, turn around and address me. They’d say something intimidating like, “What you say?”
Not planning for their retaliation, I’d be taken aback and would clam up or cower. But on some occasions I’d still be bristling. The fighting, however, was always the same, always a loss.
Part of growing up is to develop that emotional shell. So that when someone says something offensive, but otherwise harmless, it bounces right off.
The other part of growing up is to deal with the wounds from the words and actions that found their way past that tough exterior.
Forgiveness goes a long way. It’s the modern way to “turn the other cheek” when someone slaps you.
–from a 1998 interview with famed actor Gilford “Whiskers” Allsworth-Dinnersmith, who most recently has made an autobiographical work.
In it Mr. Allsworth-Dinnersmith talks about his childhood, his early career as a stuntman, and how he got discovered to become the famous playwright he is today.
They call him Skin-Face. He watched his whole family peel and eat their neighbors and now wears their remains. You will know him when you see him.
He goes around with a massive vegetable peeler, seeking all young spuds with rotten intentions. Only one with a good heart can oppose him. Can you spend one night alive in the Peeler House?
From “Night Fright-Veggie Nightmare,” directed by Vance Peeler-Frufflefluff, who also directed “Xastiron of the Skillet Massacre, in 3D.”
A life full of danger, full of monsters, where you don’t know if you’re gonna make it home; and when you do, you thank your lucky stars, or the newest hero who just happened to find you in trouble, that you survived another day; that’s life in the city.
From an advertisement in “Fortune Spoonerism Magazine,” August 1985 issue.
I gun my motorcycle
I gun my motorcycle
I gun my motorcycle
I gun my mo-tor-cycle
Chorus from the indie hit single, “Midnight Motorcycle,” by Jax Highfeather-Featherton, Pealed-Zero Records, 2010.
A thousand miles above the earth, his jet propelled suit took him above the storm. The friends and family below were counting on him, lest they too be swept away.
It would not be an easy fight. Flashes of lightning greeted him when the culprit of the storm saw him. Appearing in the form of a gentleman from the Old West, it had an expression of surprise and reacted with offense.
The storm’s behavior was just what was needed. The suit drew power from the lightning strikes and then directed them back at the storm. The “reverse polarity” of the was enough to dispel the storm’s aggression.
Dark clouds released their rain, but the strong winds began to blow the storm out to sea. The gentleman rode out to the east, away from its preferred target, to search for easier prey.
–from “The life and times of John Zoeldune, aka. Mr. Squeaky” synopsis: an ex fighter pilot acquires a flight suit shaped like the fat harlequin squeaky dolls of his childhood.
Fantana-Goldfish Publishers, Inc. First edition ca. 2008, Topeka, KS
If I could make these for a living I’d do it. Doesn’t even have to be Marvel’s Captain America. It could be anyone so long as it’s humanoid. And made from an unconventional medium, like paper towel, foil or sticky notes.
This may not be anything to look at, it may need practice; and even need to be an art medium that doesn’t wilt in water so easily. I’ve been making paper men since my childhood and feel like this is a positive turn in a monetary direction.
–from former lawyer Marcus “Yancy” Templeton-Hatchback, from an online interview August 2016.
Mr. Templeton-Hatchback has since made a lucrative business selling his fan art at comic conventions nationwide. Because of the nature of the material from which the sculptures are made, Mr. Templeton-Hatchback’s works are considered highly sought after.
..So. Excuse me, I’m eating and not my usual self, let me get this straight, tell me again. When you want all guns banned….You’re basically suggesting that gun owners all go learn unarmed combat, in such a way that they can disarm people who are armed? …I enjoy action movies like the next guy, but how realistic is this statement?
—from “Nonviolent Philosophy of the Little Frog on My Window” by Ray Jenkins-Tuesday, P. h. d. Ca. May 1991.
The short story was a thin coverup for anti-gun activists views. It was widely popular/controversial in its time and even influenced gun laws in sixteen states.
In an ironic twist, Dr. Jenkins-Tuesday later changed his views of gun ownership when his young son was killed by an armed assailant during a home invasion incident.