..Culinary fighters from all over the world, here for the prize above all others. A single recipe that could change the world, it’s fate in the hands of a single chef.
..Carbohydrates, when heated turn to gold, it’s a fight just for the bold. Every body get ready, it’s time to win the perfect bread. Before it’s over, I’ll be the champ when you’re defeated.
All ingredients assembled, utensils clean and calibrated…
“T-t-time to get kneaded.”
..For the pursuit of the swirl, for the pursuit of the swirl…
Competition is the answer when talk is cheap and there’s too many chefs—in the kitchen.
For the pursuit of the swirl…pursuit of the swirl.
–from Super Awesome Bread: Battle for a Better Slice! the Musical. Written and directed by Arugula Jersey-Taft, 1989, New York, NY.
Lyrics from the introduction song, “Pursuit of the Swirl,” lyrics written by J. B. Dandelion-Bradford.
The theatre production was a huge success, until producer Arugula Jackson-Taft heard about it and promptly sued for production rights, in 1990, claiming she came up with something similar a year earlier.
…You did a great job. I mean, would you look at that. It’s beautiful. …But it isn’t the outward appearance I’m talking about. For the sake of this instance, beauty really is on the inside….
–Recorded speech from crime boss Bill “The Confection” Tetrazzini, in response to success in hiding colored coconut candy filling inside chocolate candy coating. Ca
It’s the feeling you get when you traverse through a field of golden wheat ready for harvest.
It’s the sound you make when given the opportunity to bathe in hot fudge frosting.
It’s the taste on your tongue after biting into a fresh-from-the-oven oatmeal cookie.
It’s the scent of that same cookie you bit into moments before, five minutes before it was removed from the oven.
It’s the look on your rival classmate’s face at lunch, when he realizes his sad, stale, ordinary oatmeal cookies don’t measure up to what’s in what your lunchbox—————–Luxury.
—-from an ad in Microculinary, Bourbon & Shoeleather Magazine, Fall Issue, Sept 1988
Hi everybody. Guy Suave here, wanting to wish you Happy New Year. In fact I’m on my way to Times Square right now….
–from the Holiday special New Year’s Countdown hosted by celebrity Guy Suave the Cat Hairbrush. Distribution by Feline Media, New York 1998
Introducing Handikitty. These little guys are trained from kittens to change light bulbs. For your free guide, call this toll-free number….
-from an ad in “Unfinished Home Project” magazine, December 1978 issue.
Hi there. We’d like to sing you a song. Ready boys? One. Two. Three. JINGLE BE—
— From “Singing Candies, the Christmas edition” available on compact disc, from 2005.
It will be the sound you hear when you take your first bite. The small voice inside will tell you everything with the finish. The key word inside each spectacular artisan cookie: Luxury.
From an ad in “Culinary Robberbaron’s magazine” for “Golden Luxury Cookies” said to contain a real nugget of 24 carot gold in each cookie.
The ad went out of print in 1978 after a lawsuit was settled out of court when a consumer suffered injury due to eating the gold nugget.
Live from Clover Valley Stadium, it’s the rock concert that’ll blow your mind, height of the 90s rock, featuring world renowned heavy metal rocker, Woe-Yeah! Tickets on sale now, get them while supplies last, make sure to grow your hair out for this outrageous performance by legendary rocker Woe-Yeah!
-from an ad on TV advertising ticket sales for a concert featuring the early 90s rocker Woe-Yeah, November 1992.
Yes friends, it’s the perfect treat the night before Election Tuesday. Sweet banana loaves, I just voted.
-from an ad in Sinister Chef Weekly, November 1988
Exquisitely crafted, cinnamon-sugar infused cinnamon swirl loaves make a difference in your mortgage plans.
-from “The Baker’s Guide to Financial Planning” audio book on cassette tape from November 1993