..The only thing I’m wishing would slip and fall is this custard into the prepared crust..
From Anton “Fluffy” Hotdog-McGee, April 20, 1880, reportedly in a heated political debate. Mayoral rival candidates had accused him of wishing ill will upon them by serving coconut custard pie, done on purpose because one of them, Mr. Henry H. Burger-Graham, of all things, was allergic to coconut.
..Just a friendly reminder to be extra careful today and tomorrow. Full Moon Lunacy is real and affects us all…
–from a PSA on “Lunar Influences to the Human Psyche,” ca. Ad Council June, 1988
..Concerning all things adults can do that is legal, but not ethical or moral: just because you can do it, doesn’t mean you should…
…But if you must, wear a bike helmet. And flannel pj’s. Because if you’re uncomfortable, you’ll do less, which may keep you out of trouble.
–from “Fluffy Goblin Sally’s Words of Wisdom,” a children’s book by R. J. Hegrewl-Catches, ca. May, 1983.
It’s just an experiment. Nothing wrong with my eye.
–from a caption of some weird guy who found a googly-eye. So far it has yet to multiply…
A clear, young female voice picks up.
“Oh hi there,” she says, “This is Rachel with Resort Rewards. Are you still on the phone?”
The number was from a yellow card saying a delivery is expected but they needed my number to send it. The card said it was first class mail, even had a real stamp and a tracking number. It looked pretty realistic, but I wasn’t expecting a package.
“I’m calling in response to you sending me a card,” I said.
“Of course,” says Rachel, “Hold on while I transfer you.”
A moment later a male voice with a foreign accent picks up.
“Hello, sir, how are you?” He said, “I can schedule a delivery for you, but first I need your social security number.”
— from “This Scam is Important” by Richard “Watermelon” Gnayarp. Ca May, 1990, Gnitiam Publishers Inc.
..I’m never naming my son Absalom. But if I ever do, I’m cutting his hair every month.
–quote from Dr. Arnold “Blue-Button” Fuzzywire-Macaroni, who wrote a book on child names.
..There was at least one other candidate, and it was a difficult decision to make, but instead we chose…the Pineapple Layer Cake for our dessert.
–from the reality show “No Rest-aurant in a Dessert Oasis, Mother’s Day Edition” the show that follows customers in restaurants and giving them various choices for dessert.
Ca. May, 2003