This moment brought you by the Ad Council for Encouragement of German Chocolate Cheesecake Production Advocacy Group, enticing the American public to make and share German chocolate cheesecake on a more frequent basis since 1909.
–from the digital archives of filmmaker Randolf Blitz-Toaster-Howard, Inc., ca 2005.
Walnuts, coconut, brown sugar, heavy cream and butter; by themselves they are potentially deadly. But when combined in a pan over medium heat, they make any ordinary chocolate cheesecake into something amazing!
Let’s go to the phone lines, yes hello, you’re on the air.
“My mouth waters at the thought of traditional German chocolate cake; but my mind was blown when I was served a cheesecake of the same name.”
–from a 1985 public service announcement, courtesy of Anywhere USA, encouraging people to eat more German chocolate cheesecake.
We interrupt this program to take you live where the mayor of Anywhere, USA has an important announcement. Listen in on his speech.
“…Hello, this announcement is to my mother… Please hold any press questions until after I have said what I need to say, thank you.
Mother, I am letting you know that I’ve sent you a card via e-mail. Be sure to check your inbox.
This is all I have to say at this moment. Thank you all for coming out here to listen to what I have to say. I will now take any questions from that you may have…”
You have been listening in on the mayor of Anywhere, USA, who has just now made a speech to tell his mother to check her email. We’re not sure about the details, such as what what kind of card it is, or why he feels compelled to make a public speech about it, but we will keep you informed with the latest update on this breaking story tonight at 11.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress.
–from a press conference featuring the 116th Mayor of Anywhere, USA, May 16th, 1980.
It’s the feeling you get when you traverse through a field of golden wheat ready for harvest.
It’s the sound you make when given the opportunity to bathe in hot fudge frosting.
It’s the taste on your tongue after biting into a fresh-from-the-oven oatmeal cookie.
It’s the scent of that same cookie you bit into moments before, five minutes before it was removed from the oven.
It’s the look on your rival classmate’s face at lunch, when he realizes his sad, stale, ordinary oatmeal cookies don’t measure up to what’s in what your lunchbox—————–Luxury.
—-from an ad in Microculinary, Bourbon & Shoeleather Magazine, Fall Issue, Sept 1988
You know when pain wakes you up, just to sock you in the mouth, that it’s time for that morning cup of kiss-my-ice-pack.
–from the Angry Doctor’s Guide to Sewing, a collection of various sayings from former motorcycle gangsters who have become medical doctors.
You have a message from a Mr. Momweonoutwayhome. Would you like to take this call?
–from a random collect call made back in 2005. Part of a list recorded in the Museum of Video and Audio, Tampa Bay, WI.